I had the most interesting conversation with a guy friend. We discussed roles, responsibilities and expectations in relationships, and how all that has changed from our parents to now. He and I seem to have had similar backgrounds. Dad handled majority of the bills – mortgage, cars, utilities, yard work, handyman stuff …while mom handled household items, kids clothes, PTA’s, volunteering at school, cheerleading/football practice.
Now we are in this different time. However, his views of family are the ones he experienced (he has no children, never been married). Mine are what I experienced as well, but my reality is slightly different. I think I have done well as a single mom. One accomplishment is that I’ve purchased a home.
Well….the conversation got a little heated when I brought up prenuptial agreements. I stated that if I were to get married and my husband moved into my house, he would have to sign one, stating he had no interest in the home if the marriage ended. He didn’t help me make the purchase and if the marriage didn’t work, I didn’t want him to have any rights to it. It's nothing fancy or extravagant, but it's home. I saw the smoke coming out of my friends ears through the telephone! Funny, because this is why I love talking with this person. Something about people that make your wheels turn. Anyhoo….. he told me that he felt like I was “tagging” the marriage as one that would fail. I said, “What the hell are you talking about!?! Nooooo, I bought this house to will to my daughter, not for someone to take and make it theirs, or where I would be forced to sell and start over. It’s ours (yet still mine) as long as we’re together.” So then, he asked what I’d do if I were to marry someone that had a home as well, and he wanted my daughter and I to move into his. “I don’t have a problem with that, but I’m not letting go of my house, and he would still have to sign a prenuptial agreement. And yes, I would sign one for his.” He argues that I’m setting up an unstable foundation within the relationship…that I’m basically saying “I don’t trust you and I don’t have faith in our marriage.” I’m thinking that I’m trying to build my daughters wealth…but he was on some other ish. Or was he?
What do ya’ll think??
No one wants to go into a marriage thinking it will fail. But I agree with you about protecting yourself as well as your daughter. It's different now than it was when our parent's where starting out.
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