My Contribution to the Broken Family

I'm feeling some kinda way about an upcoming court appearance I have with my daughter's father. It's a final stage for him, but possibly a continuous cycle of confusion for my daughter. Shooot, maybe I'm just being a drama queen.

It was a relationship that I knew wouldn't be long term. The true definition of Mr. Right Now. Never would have guessed in a million years that a child would have been conceived. Nonetheless, she is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Those with children will understand that. The relationship ended before I found out I was pregnant. He asked me to reconsider, after telling him the news, saying that my decision was hormonal. :-/ Well, I don't believe in staying with anyone for the kids, that just would have been a hot mess.

Although Custody/Visitation and Child Support were Ordered, he didn't appear to play dad until she was 6. I tried to be fair and reasonable, working with him on building a relationship with her. He, at this point, is married with 2 other children. He insisted on immediate overnight visits. He never did really grasp the concept that he was a total stranger to her. He even had the audacity to think (and said it) that because "they were blood", there would be an immediate bond.

For the next several years, I dealt with arguments during exchanges, that I always tried to avoid. The look of fear, concern and anger was all over her face as they sped away for his scheduled weekend. Way too much for a child to see. In and out of court with accusations of me being unfit. He would twist and turn that Court Order around to make me in contempt of breathing. His wife was ALWAYS on the other line when he called. Most times, they would gang up on me about the most insane things. My daughter would come back home withdrawn and angry, even afraid to to talk to me sometimes. She, after some time, told me that he would have her in a room, asking questions about everything from what she ate to who was coming to visit mommy. Oh, and no one was in and out, he made me too afraid to date (for the most part). Anyhoo..he's been to the school and had counselors thinking she needed to be watched because things were unstable at home. Now, no one is perfect, but I thought I was doing well for us. Stable employment - same job seemed like forever, purchased a home, clubs at school, girl scouts, volunteer, church... yet, his address and jobs changed annually and child support was never consistent. His wife did, eventually, come around and she and I built a decent relationship, for the sake of my daughter....and my daughter loves her. And she loves her brother and sister. I needed that. I needed to feel like my daughter was being really loved while she was away from me. She hated going over there. Those were her words. It ate at me while she was away.

I would let him get away with quite a bit, to avoid confrontation, but, I finally fought back after he didn't return her from being with him for the summer. He waited until the night before the first day of school to bring her home. The harassment didn't stop, but it cut back significantly...then it did stop. For a minute, his visits were sporadic, making excuses when he cancelled...then he didn't even call to cancel...or he just wouldn't show.

This past summer rolled around and he called for his visit. I was like, well damn...ok, where did that come from? I tried to paint a pretty picture....that she would be able to hang out with her sister, video games with her brother, hang with friends she made there. Yeahhh, I got the side eye, lol. She was there a good week, if that. I get a call about 11pm-ish, on a Tuesday night. Everyone knows that's the middle of the night to me, especially during the week, so I was feeling under the pillow for my cell, cursing up some stuff! Then I saw that it was him and flipped to panic mode....answering oh my God...whats wrong?!? He asked me to calm dawn, nothing was wrong...added, that he needed me to pick her up tomorrow morning, before I went to work. I'm straight sitting up in the bed at this point. Confused. Actually, I thought I was dreaming. He must have picked up that I was only partially coherent. "I need for you to wake up, there's something I need to talk to you about". I was like bruh, I'm up....you're killing me - what the hell is wrong?!? "I want to terminate my parental rights." Although I was in the bed, I think my stomach dropped to the floor. Then my heart. "I can't afford to take care of it, so if you want it done, you will have to do it." I sat silently.

That was 6 months ago and my daughter just turned 14 yesterday. I didn't agree to terminate his rights, however, he did give me sole custody - with the exchange of terminating child support. I discussed the visits with my daughter, however, I didn't want her to feel the outcome was completely based on what she said. After all, she is a child AND I had to keep in mind, as much as he got on my nerves, he is her dad. She stated that she wanted to go under her terms. That sounded reasonable to me. But she's in no hurry, trust. See, one of the last things he said to her was, "tell your brother and sister good-bye, this will be the last time you will see them." She was devastated, justifiably so.

So...he chose to end his relationship with his daughter so he didn't have to pay $246.00 per month. That's what I scrapped from the bottom of the pot. I'd never say that to my daughter, of course, but wow. I wonder how he can look at himself in the mirror? Or how his wife lays beside him at night.... I sleep better at night and I have no drama in my life...but this isn't about me. She's the teenager she's supposed to be, life is moving on for her...but that missing piece to her life puzzle... What foreign objects will she place there to fill that void? Is there something I can do so that she won't feel the need to fill it?

I didn't mean for that to be this long. sorry, lol.