Dating in a Color Struck World

I had a night out with some friends this past weekend and had a fantastic time. With my full-time job, part-time job, raising a teen, trying to write this book - I just don't get out often enough. We were out celebrating a birthday though. We went to a nice place downtown called Noma's. Restaurant by day and apparently a "club" by night (although, it didn't have that CLUB feel, thank goodness). I was pleasantly surprised to see how diverse the spot was!! The music, the people - all races, ages! I was like - wow, ok - it's on the list, for sure!!

I had a glass of wine, some wings...danced to a couple of songs - then I finally settled in at a table, observing. It's packed and people are still trying to squeeze in.

I noticed a couple of nice looking brotha's, but realized they weren't paying us too much attention. So before taking a seat, guess who we were dancing with, lol? White women. Didn't really pay that too much attention at first...because, I mean, we just do that (right?).

Now the birthday girl is a little loud (but respectful), so she starting being a little more forward with greeting folk. They'd smile and keep it moving. We later noticed that most of them were ending up leaning on the bar or sitting at a table with women that were not of color. I was thinking, nahhh, that can't be what's happening. The birthday girl had gone off to the bar and some guy ended up following her back to the table. We all smiled, said hello. His words were not hello - hi, my name is... This guy says, "oh snapppppp....why didn't you tell me you had some red bones at the table?!?" She was like, huh - what da?? That was my confirmation right then and there. I was like dang. No seriously. omg - fa real, did he just say that out loud? Let's roll. Ugh.

Please don't get me wrong. I should definitely be checking the OTHER box under race. And I've dated outside my race as well. I think I was just overwhelmed with the, with the....hell, I don't know what it was. I felt invisible. I mean, have our black men given up on us? Or we on them.

Dating is already hard. Then add that I'm a single parent. And I'm 41. And now I'm not light enough? I might have to throw in the towel. I give.

What's Mine is Mine.....

I had the most interesting conversation with a guy friend. We discussed roles, responsibilities and expectations in relationships, and how all that has changed from our parents to now. He and I seem to have had similar backgrounds. Dad handled majority of the bills – mortgage, cars, utilities, yard work, handyman stuff …while mom handled household items, kids clothes, PTA’s, volunteering at school, cheerleading/football practice.

Now we are in this different time. However, his views of family are the ones he experienced (he has no children, never been married). Mine are what I experienced as well, but my reality is slightly different. I think I have done well as a single mom. One accomplishment is that I’ve purchased a home.

Well….the conversation got a little heated when I brought up prenuptial agreements. I stated that if I were to get married and my husband moved into my house, he would have to sign one, stating he had no interest in the home if the marriage ended. He didn’t help me make the purchase and if the marriage didn’t work, I didn’t want him to have any rights to it. It's nothing fancy or extravagant, but it's home. I saw the smoke coming out of my friends ears through the telephone! Funny, because this is why I love talking with this person. Something about people that make your wheels turn. Anyhoo….. he told me that he felt like I was “tagging” the marriage as one that would fail. I said, “What the hell are you talking about!?! Nooooo, I bought this house to will to my daughter, not for someone to take and make it theirs, or where I would be forced to sell and start over. It’s ours (yet still mine) as long as we’re together.” So then, he asked what I’d do if I were to marry someone that had a home as well, and he wanted my daughter and I to move into his. “I don’t have a problem with that, but I’m not letting go of my house, and he would still have to sign a prenuptial agreement. And yes, I would sign one for his.” He argues that I’m setting up an unstable foundation within the relationship…that I’m basically saying “I don’t trust you and I don’t have faith in our marriage.” I’m thinking that I’m trying to build my daughters wealth…but he was on some other ish. Or was he?

What do ya’ll think??